How to be a Grandchild (Process Analysis)

When you knock on the door, you'll have to be patient. Trust me, they're home. But it will take a couple of minutes for my Grandpa to pull his eyes from the television screen to get up and open that door. When he finally does reach the door, it'll take a couple more minutes for him to actually open the door. He's had that door, that doorknob, that lock for quite a while and yet, still can't manage to remember how to open it.

When you finally enter the house, the smell of mothballs will hit you. It's a strong smell but the more time you spend in the house, the less you notice it, though you will notice, the old furniture, the new flat-screen television resting on top of the broken television from the sixties. You may chuckle at that sight, and my grandpa may ask you what you're laughing about.

You will find my grandmother in the kitchen. She may be baking banana bars or an apple pie. She'll probably look up and smile at you. Then ask you to get her something. Maybe it will be a glass of water, or the sugar canister. She will probably need help getting in the bathtub to wash her hair, or may need you to rub her feet. That's your job.

In the meantime, my grandpa may try to make idle conversation with you. He may or may not bring up his dead bug collection or show you the mouse skeleton he has in a jar. Just politely say no. He may still proceed to show you said dead mouse. If so, just kindly smile, glance at the jar and walk away.

When helping my grandmother in the bathtub, remember to get the big cooler from the kitchen. Set that cooler in the bathtub. She uses that cooler to lower herself into the bathtub. Run hot water for her, but not too hot. Once she gets in the bathtub, you may leave her alone. She can take it from there. She's stubborn and independent. She probably won't let you wash her hair or help her in the bathtub any further, though she may ask you to make her bed.

When making her bed, take off all of the blankets, including the turqoise electric blanket, but leave the mattress pad on the bed. Look in the nightstand, the one with the television sitting on top of it. In the bottom drawer, there should be mismatched pillow cases and sheets. When putting on the fitted sheet, you may scrape your knuckles on the left side of the bed by the wall. Getting that fitted sheet on is a task in itself. Then, when you put on the next sheet, tuck the end of it into the end of the bed and you may also tuck the sides in. Make sure it's straight. Make sure it's not too wrinkled. Then set the turquoise electric blanket on top of the sheets, then place the comforter on top. But make sure it's not crooked. Grandma may be getting older, but she can't stand it when that comforter is crooked. Finally throw the used sheets down the hamper in the bathroom.

When you help my grandma out of the bathtub, help her to hoist herself onto the big cooler. Once she's sitting on that, she can get one leg over the edge of the bathtub and bring herself to her feet. After you get her out of the bathtub, she'll probably ask you to make grandpa supper.

Take the leftovers out of the green tinted triangular containers in the fridge. Take a few spoonful’s of whatever leftovers are in the fridge, put them in the microwave for two minutes. In the meantime, boil water for grandpa’s instant coffee. To make the instant coffee, take a table spoon and open the glass container on the counter that’s shaped like a snowman. The instant coffee is in there. Make sure you get a level spoonful of that - Level! If it's not level, grandpa will complain that it is too strong. Dip the scoop in the sugar canister into the sugar. Get a full scoop, then shake it just a little. Then pour the remaining sugar in the grandpas coffee. Finally, proceed with the leftovers and the coffee and take them out into the living room where grandpa may or may not have fallen asleep with his mouth open on the couch.

At this point, my grandma will hug you and thank you. You may hug my grandpa, but he usually will not get up to hug you. You have officially survived a day with my grandparents. Remember to turn the light on outside of the house and close the door tightly behind you.

Iowa Stubborn

I'm so glad the caucus is over. I would be happier if Ron Paul would've came out on top. But third place is definitely not bad.

Whenever the Iowa Caucus time comes around, it seems like all eyes in the country are on Iowa. Maybe I'm over exaggerating. But it seems like hatred towards Iowa has been on the rise this time around. I could just be paying more attention to it, now that I'm finally old enough to participate in the caucus.

I'd just like to say for the record, that Iowa is not a state of rednecks and corn-fed idiots. I've grown up here and I can honestly say, I think it's one of the best places in America. And though I haven't traveled the world, I've traveled around quite a bit. I've been to New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, California, Texas, Illinois and even to Mexico.

Now on to a smaller scale. Let's focus on my home town - Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Cedar Rapids is the kind of place where people will hold the door open for you. But it's not a town of over-polite sheltered hicks. We have our own attitude. We are our own people.

We have a Wal-Mart, a Target, two different malls, and tons of eating establishments. Cedar Rapids is Iowa's second biggest city. Sure it's not big and glamorous like the places I've seen in California but its home.

I've seen plenty of small towns in Iowa. There's much activity in many of the small towns that I've seen except for farms, family-owned restaurants, some second-hand clothing stores and a few churches. But the people that I've met that are from those small towns are wonderful. They aren't small minded people. They're sweet, bright people that have a love for the smaller things in life that some people in places like California may never possess.

Cedar Rapids is pretty different from the smaller towns is my mind. Not only because we have a bigger population but because we're on the brink of being considered an industrial city. I grew up right by the Quaker Oats factory. I remember waking up in the mornings to walk to Elementary school and getting a whiff of the sweet smells emanating from the factory. I miss those mornings.

In conclusion, I love this state and I love my city. I get tired of hearing people who have never come here and never experienced it in the way I have, complaining about the intellect of the people. We may not be the most culturally diverse state, but you tell me – what is? There’s not a perfect place to hold the first caucus.  I’m glad all of the caucus hubbub is over so I can live here in peace for another four years until the next one comes around. Thank God.

"Your Song"

There's a song that always makes me feel better no matter how down and out I am. It reminds me of the nights my dad and I used to spend singing together to oldies in the basement. It's a timeless classic, and a simple love song.

"Your Song" by Elton John. I used to thumb through my dad's CD's and cassette tapes just to listen to that song. My dad cannot tell you how many times his "One Night Only" CD went missing. "One Night Only" was a live recording of some of Elton John’s biggest hits. I'd fall asleep listening to it.

I always thought it was amazing how Elton John's music and Bernie Taupin's lyrics just jelled together. "Your Song" was the song that catapulted me into being the huge Elton John fan that I'm proud to be now.

I own at least thirty of Elton John's records. Even the original record that "Your Song" was on: his self-titled album. The cover of the album is a picture of the right side of his youthful face. The left side of his face falls into the shadow surrounding him. I've spent hours just listening, watching the record spin. The genre of the music on this record fell more into the folk music category than some of his later pop records and I loved that about it. Elton John is so versatile.

In 2010, I was lucky enough to see my idol live. We had tenth row on the floor seating. I remember how amazing I thought it was. I couldn't believe that I would only be ten rows away from the man himself. Elton John played for three hours straight, without an intermission. He played so many great songs and I mouthed the lyrics to every song right along with him.

He started the show with a personal favorite of mine, "Funeral For a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding." They were two songs combined into one track – the first track on his album, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”. “Funeral For a Friend” is solely instrumental. It’s a funeral rock song. I don’t know how else to describe it. “Love Lies Bleeding” is a lot more poppy. I believe it’s about a lover leaving because the man was to tied up in his band.

He played a lot of other great songs that night too like "Rocket Man", "Bennie and the Jets", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" and "Candle in the Wind". But he went out with a bang. He closed the show with the best song of all: "Your Song".