A Letter To The Dog

Dear Lilly,

Why do you pee on my floor? Seriously. If I leave my door open for two minutes, you'll run in and pee in my room. I constantly have to keep closing it behind me and keep an eye on you. I wonder if you hate me. I don't know why you would. I've never done a thing to you. For the most part, I like you - you're an alright dog. You're not my dog of course, you're my dad and his girlfriends' dog. But I do have a problem with your attitude: your constant barking and growling, the way you only pee in my room, not anywhere else. And right after Dad takes you outside, you'll run in and PEE ON MY FLOOR! Why? For the love of animals everywhere, WHY MUST YOU PEE ON MY FLOOR?!

Sometimes I wonder if it's a rivalry between you and the cat. Her litterbox is in my room, so she does her business in my room. If she can pee inside, why can't you? Why do you have to freeze your a** off outside in the snow? Why must you have to do your business when it's 90 degrees outside and the suns beating down on you? "Hey! That's not fair!" Is it that what you think?

Maybe you just hate the cat. You see the way Miss Puss is treated, the food she's fed and you're jealous. So you've vowed to pee everyday in her space, in her domain to rebell against Miss Puss. Well, I must say, I get the feeling Miss Puss isn't very fond of you either. I can tell by the way she tries to guard the door when I forget to shut it. You think, "Wow, this is my chance! I'm going to go pee!" and then you see her - Miss Puss right behind the door. She sees you and you see her. She blocks you from entering. You give up. I've seen this sequence of events before and I, personally don't understand why you just don't run past her if you're so intent on peeing on my floor. Miss Puss is declawed, she is defenseless. But maybe you don't know that.

Oh, Lilly. What I would give for you to be able to read this and to understand how disrespectful it is to urinate on someone's floor. To be able to communicate with you and let you know how dumb it is to pee on my floor, how mad it makes me and what a nice dog you can be when you want to be.